February 25, 2009 at 4:50 pm (1)

No? Okay. God.

I don’t know what to do. I need you, as I’ve always needed you, and I’m craving you as I’ve always craved you.

Thank you so much for blessing my life. I have so many options and I have so many open doors when so many people have no place to go. Thank you for giving me the gifts you given me, around and within me.

God, thank you for the gift of your grace … of your willingness to reach out your hand to me, no matter how many times I trip and fall flat on my face.

I think I need to ask you for your hand again, because its all I have.

I’m in a slump. I can’t find the wisdom within myself to know what it is that you want me to be doing. I wonder to myself why all I do during the day is sit in starbucks and read the Bible and write about it, but really I know. Its because I’m looking for you to just say it. Exactly what I need to hear to pull me in the right direction.

I don’t know anything. Am I going to be a teacher? Am I going to be a worship leader? Am I going to be a musician? Am I going to open up shop? Am I going to be in school next year? Am I going to be working at Starbucks? Am I going to be at all?

Am I going?

God I need you so badly to speak to me. I feel your love so clearly, when I read and when I play and when I listen.

I don’t even know if I’m doing anything right. Please God, speak to me through the people around me, or through the words I read and write, or through the notes I play. Help me to live in humble recognition of you in everything. Break my heart for what breaks yours so I can be your hands in the world to help mend it.

And God … Help me. Speak to me. Speak to me in any way you see fit. If its what you want for me, show me the road. Its all I think about right now.



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